Thought I'd take another crack at the dialogue thing. I think the problem with the last one was that there was way too much backstory for it to work effectively on its own. This one's nice and simple...and funnier, too. Enjoy!
ANTHROPHOBIA
You’re scared of them.
I am not scared of them.
You’re scared of humans.
I am not scared of humans!
Mmhm. And the screaming was...what, exactly? A war cry?
They creep me out. I’m not scared of them, they’re just creepy. There’s a difference!
You know, you don’t have to stomp on them like that every time. They’re harmless.
They are not harmless, are you kidding me? Just look at one!
I’ve seen humans. They’re funny.
Funny like...like...a human!
Seriously?
I’m thinking of unfunny things, and humans top the list.
Seriously?
You tell me you look at a human and you don’t get that creepy, tingling feeling in your thorax.
I don’t!
Did you know that they have these little, grasping things on the ends of their legs?
What, like monkeys? Monkeys are harmless.
No, but they’re grasping things are all arranged so they can grab things like...hammers!
Hold on...
And they’re so small you can’t even see them, but they’re there! Oh they’re there all right...
Listen to me. They’re a million times smaller than you. They’re much more afraid of you than you are of them.
I’m not afraid of them! I’m not homophobic.
I don’t think that word means what you think it does...
Homophobia. Fear of Homo Sapiens.
You want Anthrophobia.
Anthrophobia?
Fear of humans.
Well I’m not Anthrophobic either!
I mean come on, what are their little graspy things going to do to you?
They’re called thumbs. Doesn’t that just make you cringe? Its like whoever comes up with these names is trying to tell you something.
Like what?
Like maybe “DANGER! STAY AWAY! GRASPING APPENDAGES WILL RESULT IN...complications!”
Are you listening to yourself? They don’t have thumbs. Jeez, where do you hear this stuff?
Ok, fine, then. Boots. What about boots?
What about them?
What about them? They use them to squish our kind!
Oh come on. Remember what I just said? They’re a million times smaller than us.
They’re not a million times smaller, don’t exaggerate to make me look stupid. I’m not stupid. I’m talking about earth arachnids. They’re tiny here, and they stomp on them.
Like you stomp on them?
That’s not the same and you know it.
Right, because you’re afraid of them.
You’re really starting to piss me off.
You think they tell each other they aren’t afraid of spiders while they’re stomping on them?
Don’t be ridiculous, humans can’t talk.
Maybe they think we can’t talk.
Do you have a point you’re crawling towards?
I said they’re more afraid of us than we are of them.
I’m not-
Fine, they’re more creeped out by us than we are by them.
Debatable...but continue.
Well maybe that’s why they stomp on the little ones. Because they creep the humans out. So if that’s true, can you imagine how we must seem to them?
Hey, at least I’m not some unnatural, thumb-grasping freak.
They have four legs. Four. We have twice as many, and that’s enough to freak them out when they’re towering over them.
You know what, I don’t have anything to justify. I don’t need a reason to kill them, I just AAGH! WHAT! AUGH DIE! DIE!
Holy...calm down!
Did you see that? Came out of nowhere! It was huge, like easily ten feet tall!
And you were telling me not to exaggerate? They don’t get that big.
Well this one did, I swear. Look at it!
Well I can’t tell now, its all squished.
Uuuuugh...Its still creepy. I think I can see its thumbs.
You can’t see its thumbs, you big scaredy-cat.
Oh take that back!
I don’t see any thumbs.
No, I mean the cat thing! Come on, man, that’s not funny!
What you’re scared of them, too?
They creep me out! You can’t blame me for that, they eat spiders!
You’re scared of cats!
I am not scared of cats!
