Storytelling and the Nihilistic Voice of Reason

I came to a sort of interesting realization the other day - the only thing I want to do is be a storyteller.

That needs a bit of background...See, when I was really young, I told my parents I wanted to be an artist. They didn't like the idea, possibly because they thought their little bundle of raw potential would go on to change the world one heart operation or civil rights court case at a time. I bounced between the idea of being an artist, an actor, an author, never deciding but always choosing things that made my parents go "....Why waste your life when you could do something MEANINGFUL!?" , and of course I ignored them. Meaningful to me is meaningful enough, I reasoned. I was a selfish child. In many ways, I still am.

So when I was in 5th grade, I read a book (which I still have and refer to often) on making comics, and decided that was what I was gonna do. I was gonna make comic books! Awesome, right? Enter the voice of reason:

"But wait, there are many different occupations IN the comics industry! Young Sikander, which do you want to pursue? Do you want to be a pencil artist? The inker? The writer, editor, letterer?"

Young Sikander’s answer? "Yes."

This should have been my first clue that I am a very greedy soul when it comes to creativity. I don't want to share, I want to have a hand (if not ALL the hands) in anything creative I end up doing. That's cool because it gives me full control over all the different aspects of a piece, of the ways it comes together.....but it also means I'm liable to burn out. fast.

Later, in middle school, I got way into video games and wanted to have a hand in THAT medium. The return of a thoroughly anguished voice of reason:

"But wait, there are many different jobs IN the video game industry! Young Sikander, which do you want to pursue? Do you want to be the concept artist? The plot writer? Do you want to chase after years of education in all the things you aren't that good at to be the programmer? The 3-D figure renderer?"

Young Sikander's answer? "Yes. Also, I want to do comic books."

Somewhere in freshman year of high school, I come to another conclusion: I really like theater! more specifically, I really like musicals...And I want to create them! I also came to the conclusion that I come to a lot of conclusions, and should keep myself from labeling any of my conclusions as conclusive. Anyways -

"*sigh* but wait, Young Sikander" intoned the voice of reason, now past the point of uncontrollable weeping and reduced to nihilistic apathy; "There are many different jobs involved in the process of writing musicals...which do you want to pursue? Do you want to write the book? The score? The lyrics? Do you want to direct, act, design sets or costumes?"

In classic form, Young Sikander's answer: "Yes. Also, comic books and video games. Maybe movies, too. Books are cool, I'll probably do a couple of those eventually...I wonder if I should start a gallery for these neat paintings I've been doing?"

The voice of reason: "...Alright. If anyone needs me, I'll be clearing out my cubicle. Not that anyone cares."

So that's where I was up till a couple days ago, and all was well. I'd written one musical (book, score, lyrics, etc.) and had gotten OH SO CLOSE to producing a workshop production of it (an endeavor which unfortunately met its end at the hands of insufficient foresight,). I find myself now pulling together the strings of another one (thankfully in collaboration). I'm working on a novel that has been in its planning stage for a good semester, slowly but surely. I spent this year working on my webcomic, "Twistheology" and developed my comic style and voice. I just hit 20 videos on my youtube channel (admittedly most of which is garbage, but there's some funny stuff in there) and I've got folders and notebooks of ideas just waiting to be mined.

And I realized that the one thing that tied together my various passions was this idea of storytelling.

Its interesting if you look at how everything layers up - I was drawn to comics because it is a medium at the crossroads of various other mediums with incredible power, each a medium that I had (and have) personal reverence for. It combines the power of visual art, of the written story, of dialogue given to a remarkably theatrical sensibility - all in a medium generally written off as worse than pulp fiction, as sub-pedestrian.

I was in turn drawn to video games because it combined all the artistic style of various animated movies, allowing for the same level of creativity as folks like Tim Burton, etc...All in a medium that was interactive in its storytelling, immersive in cool new ways. If you doubt that, just ask anyone who plays World of Warcraft and (as one of my closest friends does) use it to inform and inspire their own writing and storytelling. Once again, I found these qualities in a medium written off as base, as mind-numbing, as degenerative to the mind.

I was drawn to musicals because they're layered in a similar manner: They combine straight acting, music, dance, but also the expressiveness of any visual media in set design and costumes. I'm gonna tackle a few of these, one at a time.

The emotional hold of the theater is something I find was described really well by Denis Diderot in his essay "On Theater" as the only form of entertainment that could, to paraphrase, pull on the heartstrings of its audience so profoundly as to make a hypocrite see a hypocritical character and condemn him with the utmost sincerity.

Now, to paraphrase another great (this time in the field of music and choreography), Bob Fosse once explained the structure of musical theater as such: When the emotion is too strong to just say what you're feeling, you sing. and when its too strong to just sing it, you dance. Layers upon layers! who'd have thunk?

For a while after I'd discovered my love for musicals, I'd decided I was going to major in music, become a composer and use that to write the music. Shame on my for restricting myself, giving the voice of reason all that false hope. She (for the more I disappoint her, the more I begin to envision her as female) has come to be none too pleased with me and my indecisiveness.

But we come back to this idea of layers. I continue to find myself drawn to mediums that combine forms of art, of that raw precept of storytelling, because I do believe that I want to be just that, a storyteller and nothing more. Now, my parents are graciously accepting of this, gently pushing to make sure I know what I'm talking about and occasionally seeking reassurance that whatever I end up doing will help the world in one way or another. And I myself have gained at least SOME reason (I gave up mostly on the video game thing...though I'd like to do concept art design and maybe some writing someday) but still have this resolve.

I want to be a storyteller. Hell, I hereby make it my goal in life to be one of the great storytellers of the world in my lifetime. Think - If Shakespeare had been a painter as well as the writer he was, what would our canon of classics look like today? If Leonardo Da Vinci had tried his hand at writing a novel or two, what would he have written?

I'm making no claims to genius, but I want to leave no passion unexplored, no iota of creative energy unchanneled. Its not that I presume to think I have anything to offer the world - I hope I do, I probably don't. But I refuse to compromise for myself. I am as selfish today as I was as a child, only slightly more articulate and able to reason that along the way, yes, the world might get something out of it. Throw in the delusion that I’ll be fully able to support myself on those wages and we’re in business.

And so I make my final answer to the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I want to be a storyteller. I want to be a storyteller because it is the great crossroads for the mediums I love, each in their own right a crossroads of mediums I love. It is the synthesis of my every past attempt at synthesizing my passions and obsessions. But I want to be a storyteller also because it allows me to discover new mediums, new forms of storytelling in my future and bring them into the fold of my life.

And the voice of reason, poor girl, glutton for punishment that she is, comes back to ask -

"But wait, Young Sikander (for I am thankfully still young), there are various different jobs within this job that you just made up, each of which consist THEMSELVES of many different jobs. Which of them will you pursue? Will you be a writer of novels? A maker of musicals? A creator of comics? What do you WANT?!"

And I look into the face of reason, poor girl, a glutton for punishment, and say,

"Yes. Also, I'm starting a blog...We'll see how that goes."